one of these days im going to have to make you watch a match with me so i can mansplain all the rules and what is going on for your reference
[ at least he's self-aware. he doesn't want to get into it at the moment, though... he thought the no hands rule was common knowledge, but maybe it says something that he's now considering whether he's wrong about that, not if riddle needs to get out more. ]
as you can see, sometimes they have us do these videos for engagement? or something? fanservice, i guess?? and one of the challenges was whether anybody could crush an apple. ever since then they make me crush something new every time i have to do one of the videos...
[ if riddle wants to feel better, he can also watch kaiser do some goofier stuff like tryhard over teqball and cornhole (real things they make the real b*yern m*nich players do). ]
ive never worked on my grip strength in particular so im not sure... sometimes i see goalkeepers use these things [LINK] it doesnt look that strenuous but your arms might end up lopsided in strength which is no good
Tell me the date and time, and I'll be sure to study up beforehand. I'll read the official football handbook and watch history's most influential games in preparation. I've only been getting by by watching compilations of your team, and clapping or nodding if I see you do something interesting. I fancy Noa, and Birkenstock's not a bad-looking bloke if I do say so myself.
[ not riddle playing smash or pass with his wife's teammates ]
I see! So it's to aid in your popularity. It's certainly a good way to make you all look charming and fun. I'll be sure to watch a few more of these sorts of videos as well for study material.
[ what he hopes to learn by watching the bastard boys play cornhole and hammer nails is beyond anyone. surely these challenges help in their performance somehow though? (he has yet to fully comprehend how big a role marketing plays as a pro ball-kicker)
now this piece of exercise equipment...!! this looks like something he can handle. riddle is excited at first, but after reading kaiser's last message, he imagines himself with one normal arm while his other arm is bulging and muscular... would it be worth the enhanced grip strength? maybe not... ]
Having uneven muscular distribution wouldn't be worth the extra strength. I would look *beyond* foolish, so it seems ultra grip strength isn't meant for me. A pity, but as I said, this is what you are for. Thank you for trying to help me, at least.
[ pwease do nawt say that abowut nowel nowah... kaiser will frow up wike a big baby... 💙 ]
please dont say that about noel noa. i will throw up
[ also, kaiser considers most of his team chronically unfuckable, but that's because he has to spend so much time with them. he won't bring it up, though. noa gets a special shout-out, apparently... ]
id really rather not have to do them if i had a choice in the matter, but i dont and now theres so much footage of me wearing lederhosen out there... boah...
[ kaiser has literally been reduced to making sounds of german discontent over the breeches he is forced to don for the viewing pleasure of the masses. he does not have bavarian pride over that, he's not even bavarian to begin with. at least they make his legs look good... ]
anyways, i wouldnt worry about grip strength if i were you. ive got it covered, as you can see... so just call if you need brute strength for anything, mk?
What's wrong with Noel Noa? All I said was I fancy him. Or is this your way of telling me *you* fancy him as well? That *would* be a difficult situation. Do your best and I'm sure he'll notice you.
[ he's just teasing him. riddle can't comprehend not liking a teammate when you're as successful as bastard munchen, so clearly they clearly have some weird complicated...thing going on, sort of like how he feels towards his groupmates when a group project comes up. that aside, kaiser isn't allowed to like anyone, and riddle wasn't lying when he said none of b.m. could handle him 💔 the boys don't deserve to catch strays like this but it is what it is..... ]
That is...most unfortunate. I daresay humiliating, even. Perhaps my feelings are different because I know you personally, but I just don't see the appeal. The one where you all sing Christmas carols together is rather cute though. Did you all need to rehearse for that one?
[ he would rather see kaiser play with puppies and kittens, or read positive tweets about himself. ]
Right you are. You'll be the first person I call for anything of the sort. It goes without saying that if there's ever anything I can do for you, never hesitate to call upon me as well.
[ so much is wrong with noel noa. but riddle will need to reserve at least an hour if he wants to hear all about it. ]
no... the problem is that hes already noticed me far too much i had at least 10,000 mental disorders to begin with but he gave me more on purpose for his own nefarious benefit -_- very messed up
[ at least kaiser's, um, self... aware... i don't know how many "but at least he's self-aware, right?" i got left in me... ]
my god, no, dont we sound awful? i would be ill if thats how bad we sounded and we actually rehearsed. also did you notice the teammate who wasnt singing at all so they had to strategically cut the footage so it wasnt obvious? i wish that were me...
[ but they put him up near the front, so kaiser could not possibly have gotten away with that. ah, the curse of being so popular... but he can suggest they bring up the google autofill videos. maybe people are googling nice things about him? maybe. ]
next time i will call you to come rescue me when we have to sing a christmas carol... [ he's just kidding. wishful thinking! ]
Is he the reason you couldn't "f*cking do this anymore" earlier? He sounds like a stressful man to be around... I also can't forgive someone who caused you anguish. Do you want to talk about it, or is this better discussed over tea and brotzeit?
[ because it's not that riddle doesn't care, but he has to learn about football rules AND study games as it is, asking him to learn the lore behind kaiser's cr chart with his teammates would also be quite the undertaking. that, and he knows how his deranged bestie is. ] ]
It was unrefined, and I actually balked when you all collectively began to slow down because everyone clearly forgot the words, but I thought it was sweet in a way? I was very angry about the fellow in the corner who was clearly lip synching, however. People like him are the reason group projects are the bane of my existence. Tell your coach or manager to give him a stern lecture for his uncooperativeness, or I may be tempted to do it myself.
[ 'michael kaiser number of mental disorders', 'michael kaiser kick speed', 'michael kaiser wikifeet rating', 'is michael kaiser okay', etc-- riddle imagines the autofill videos would to be heavily edited in order to be forgiving..... ]
Please do! At the very least, I can ensure everyone participates equally if there truly is no way for you to escape. It's only fair.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ at least he's self-aware. he doesn't want to get into it at the moment, though... he thought the no hands rule was common knowledge, but maybe it says something that he's now considering whether he's wrong about that, not if riddle needs to get out more. ]
as you can see, sometimes they have us do these videos for engagement? or something? fanservice, i guess?? and one of the challenges was whether anybody could crush an apple. ever since then they make me crush something new every time i have to do one of the videos...
[ if riddle wants to feel better, he can also watch kaiser do some goofier stuff like tryhard over teqball and cornhole (real things they make the real b*yern m*nich players do). ]
ive never worked on my grip strength in particular so im not sure... sometimes i see goalkeepers use these things [LINK]
it doesnt look that strenuous but your arms might end up lopsided in strength which is no good
no subject
[ not riddle playing smash or pass with his wife's teammates ]
I see! So it's to aid in your popularity. It's certainly a good way to make you all look charming and fun. I'll be sure to watch a few more of these sorts of videos as well for study material.
[ what he hopes to learn by watching the bastard boys play cornhole and hammer nails is beyond anyone. surely these challenges help in their performance somehow though? (he has yet to fully comprehend how big a role marketing plays as a pro ball-kicker)
now this piece of exercise equipment...!! this looks like something he can handle. riddle is excited at first, but after reading kaiser's last message, he imagines himself with one normal arm while his other arm is bulging and muscular... would it be worth the enhanced grip strength? maybe not... ]
Having uneven muscular distribution wouldn't be worth the extra strength. I would look *beyond* foolish, so it seems ultra grip strength isn't meant for me. A pity, but as I said, this is what you are for. Thank you for trying to help me, at least.
no subject
please dont say that about noel noa. i will throw up
[ also, kaiser considers most of his team chronically unfuckable, but that's because he has to spend so much time with them. he won't bring it up, though. noa gets a special shout-out, apparently... ]
id really rather not have to do them if i had a choice in the matter, but i dont and now theres so much footage of me wearing lederhosen out there... boah...
[ kaiser has literally been reduced to making sounds of german discontent over the breeches he is forced to don for the viewing pleasure of the masses. he does not have bavarian pride over that, he's not even bavarian to begin with. at least they make his legs look good... ]
anyways, i wouldnt worry about grip strength if i were you. ive got it covered, as you can see...
so just call if you need brute strength for anything, mk?
no subject
What's wrong with Noel Noa? All I said was I fancy him. Or is this your way of telling me *you* fancy him as well? That *would* be a difficult situation. Do your best and I'm sure he'll notice you.
[ he's just teasing him. riddle can't comprehend not liking a teammate when you're as successful as bastard munchen, so clearly they clearly have some weird complicated...thing going on, sort of like how he feels towards his groupmates when a group project comes up. that aside, kaiser isn't allowed to like anyone, and riddle wasn't lying when he said none of b.m. could handle him 💔 the boys don't deserve to catch strays like this but it is what it is..... ]
That is...most unfortunate. I daresay humiliating, even. Perhaps my feelings are different because I know you personally, but I just don't see the appeal. The one where you all sing Christmas carols together is rather cute though. Did you all need to rehearse for that one?
[ he would rather see kaiser play with puppies and kittens, or read positive tweets about himself. ]
Right you are. You'll be the first person I call for anything of the sort. It goes without saying that if there's ever anything I can do for you, never hesitate to call upon me as well.
no subject
no... the problem is that hes already noticed me far too much
i had at least 10,000 mental disorders to begin with but he gave me more on purpose for his own nefarious benefit -_- very messed up
[ at least kaiser's, um, self... aware... i don't know how many "but at least he's self-aware, right?" i got left in me... ]
my god, no, dont we sound awful? i would be ill if thats how bad we sounded and we actually rehearsed. also did you notice the teammate who wasnt singing at all so they had to strategically cut the footage so it wasnt obvious? i wish that were me...
[ but they put him up near the front, so kaiser could not possibly have gotten away with that. ah, the curse of being so popular... but he can suggest they bring up the google autofill videos. maybe people are googling nice things about him? maybe. ]
next time i will call you to come rescue me when we have to sing a christmas carol... [ he's just kidding. wishful thinking! ]
no subject
[ because it's not that riddle doesn't care, but he has to learn about football rules AND study games as it is, asking him to learn the lore behind kaiser's cr chart with his teammates would also be quite the undertaking. that, and he knows how his deranged bestie is. ] ]
It was unrefined, and I actually balked when you all collectively began to slow down because everyone clearly forgot the words, but I thought it was sweet in a way? I was very angry about the fellow in the corner who was clearly lip synching, however. People like him are the reason group projects are the bane of my existence. Tell your coach or manager to give him a stern lecture for his uncooperativeness, or I may be tempted to do it myself.
[ 'michael kaiser number of mental disorders', 'michael kaiser kick speed', 'michael kaiser wikifeet rating', 'is michael kaiser okay', etc-- riddle imagines the autofill videos would to be heavily edited in order to be forgiving..... ]
Please do! At the very least, I can ensure everyone participates equally if there truly is no way for you to escape. It's only fair.